Back in higschool, I dreamed I was a political writer. This is a blatant ripoff of Roller Ball with some Red Dawn thrown in for good measure. Read it slowly while listening to Albinoni's Adagio in G Minor.
I suppose I should tell you who I am and why I am here, but I don’t see how it matters; for who I am will soon be irrelevant, and as to why I am here, well, perhaps I should explain that, but I simply can’t. All I can think about is Her. Well, after all, she is the reason I’m here. Wait, my name. Well, what does it matter? Nothing! But I already told you that.
If only I could forget, then all would be right; if only I did not see her face constantly before me, her bright eyes glistening with love and sorrow. If only her voice did not haunt me so. But no, over and over I hear her telling me that she loves me, that she won’t forget, and I see her slender fingers stretched out, reaching for a vision that they could not hold. I see her, clawing frantically at the empty air in a vain attempt to recapture the past, and finally collapsing helplessly in the arms of her captors as the tears stream down her face and leave a glistening stain on her beautiful features.
Oh! Dear God why did I ever love her? Why did I ever think they would not care? I’ll tell you why, because she was poor, and I was poor, and The Three don’t notice the poor. But they noticed her. Oh! They noticed her. I thought we were safe in our love – that nothing could come between us. Safe! Yes, until one of Them cast his eyes in her direction…just a glimpse of her beauty, and all this.
All this – wet, cold, dark, the rats scurrying about the cell much as my thoughts scuffle through my mind, flitting to and fro – the water dripping monotonously on the stone floor, driving me slowly, ever so slowly, into insanity. Why, why, why? But it’s too late.
She is gone, forever gone from me. If only she had not loved me then I could have born it. If she had never been kind to me, or shown any care toward me, then I would not miss her so. But now all I see is her face, kind and sweet, like a brook that ripples quietly by; her tiny little mouth that could break into the widest and most beautiful smiles; her black hair cascading gracefully down over her shoulders, its velvet sheen a rich frame for the creamy white of her skin. And her eyes – they were blue, as bright and clear as the summer sky. Oh, blue, blue, so wonderfully blue that every time I saw her I gazed deep into her eyes and could not look away. She loved me. I knew that; I could see it in her eyes. When she smiled, I had no need of heaven, and if she ever frowned I knew that I would prefer hell, but for the one thing, that even when she was angry her eyes were still the most beautiful in the world. Nothing could separate us, nothing but the jealousy of The Three.
This is our freedom; this is the Republic. At least we’re safe, that’s what they say. Safe! Am I safe? Is she safe? Tell me that. You can’t can you? She is with Him because he wanted her. I am here because I loved her. Oh, she is very safe…for that matter so am I. Nothing can reach me, except these rats. I’m safe all right, safe until they take me across the bridge. And then I’ll be safe too, for who would dare to harm me? Yes, I begin to see it. I will be safe, all the way up the scaffold, until they tie the noose around my neck. Then I’ll drop safely into space, kicking safely at our safe air, as I yank frantically at the rope, that assurance and sign of my eternal safety. And at last I will die, and then I will be safe forever. Ah yes, this is the great safety of our Republic.
Oh! Have you ever felt it, have you ever known what it’s like to have someone care so much about you, to hold on to her and know that all is right because she is there, and she always will be? Have you? No you haven’t. You can’t know how it feels until it’s gone. You can’t understand what it is to love and be loved until the one person dearer to you than anything on this earth, dearer than life itself, is ripped from your arms and dragged away while you watch, helpless. Have you ever heard her cry out that she loved you as the hands of her captors cut her words off like a sharp knife? Have you seen her eyes, those beautiful eyes, locked with yours in love for that last eternal moment before she disappears forever? When you have done all this, then you can come crawling to me with your words of safety. And you can tell me how much better I have it, now that I must die for my love, because The Three care for our safety. Then I will listen as you say that love and freedom are false happiness, and that the only true joy can be found in complying with what The Three say is best. Oh go your way, and may it be to the devil for all I care. You have never lived, never loved as I have loved. You have never suffered as I have suffered. Go your way and don’t insult me with your words of safety. Yes, go to the devil and tell him that it is best for men to lose all they hold dear at the hands of those great guardians of our safety, The Three. Surely he will nod his head wisely and say that you have learned well. And he will show you your appointed place, and when you ask what your sin is he will tell you that your sin is that of a man who mocked the innocent suffering of his brothers. Then he will laugh and tell you to bear your tortures in safety, for you shall never need fear death again.
Soon they will come for me and lead me across the bridge. They may be coming now. Yes! I hear footsteps in the hall. They are coming. At least it will be finished. No more memories, no more pain, no more of these visions that torment me out of my mind, nothing but darkness.
Oh my God, avenge me. Avenge me and let them reap the horror of their wicked ways. May they live and die as tormented in mind as I am now. Oh God! I see her before me now. Punish them for her sake. Avenge her Lord. Oh! her face, her eyes. She is crying. I can’t comfort her, I can’t reach her. Oh my sweet dear, hear me. I love you. With every fiber of my being I love you. Do not forget me, even when I am gone do not forget me. Oh God, avenge me!
They are coming; they are here at the door. I hear the key in the lock. I can see the bridge and hear the murmur of the canals. It’s over…over…
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